Helpless Space Case
by GlitterTrails
Summary: "All of Finland's humanity was lost upon conversion. You have to accept that reverse transformation is impossible. Your wife is now forever part of the Pictonian collective." "Nh," Sweden replied "I won't accept it, because it's n't true."
1. Lost in Candy-Cane-Cheery-Land

"Hey Honey-Bundles!" Finland called as he walked across the kitchen to the front door "I'm going out to stand uselessly in the middle of a grassy field with my sleigh and reindeer and stuff. I'll see ya when I...Sweden?"

Finland stopped in his tracks when he saw Sweden lying face-down on the living room couch, motionless except for the occasional twitch of his hand.

"Sweden?" he walked into the living room and knelt down by his husband's side. "Are ya alright?"

"Nh..." Sweden mumbled as he half-opened his eyes "N't feeling...m' best..."

It was then that Finland noticed several empty peppermint wrappers on the nearby coffee-table. His stomach lurched as he started to piece the situation together.

_Oh no, I forgot to label..._

"Um, Sweden...I uh, think ya may have accidentally taken some of my anxiety attack medicine..."

"Nh?"

"Yah, um, ya see I candy-coated the pills so they would taste like peppermint sticks but then I forgot to, heh heh, label them. I'm sorry Sweden! I'm such a silly space-case."

"Hmgh," the tiniest of smiles tugged at Sweden's lips as he closed his eyes "Cute..."

"Sweden! No Sweden-oh dear, he's going to be out for a while. The amount he took he'll be so plastered that he could probably sleep through an alien invasion," Finland sighed and smacked himself on the head "Stupid, stupid me! No, calm down Finny...maybe this is a good thing, yah? I mean he works really hard and stuff so maybe he could use the rest. It's not like anything bad or dangerous will happen while he's out, right?"

Finland lifted his husband off the couch and carried him back into their bedroom. A minute later he had Sweden all tucked in cozily under the covers and was about to turn to leave when his husband's hand caught hold of his wrist.

"Eh?" Finland turned back towards him. Sweden's eyes were still closed, but he seemed to have regained partial consciousness for a moment.

"Love ya...m' wife... Don't ev'r change...Yer..." Sweden's voiced trailed off. Then his eyes flickered open for a second. "Nh...yer cute." Sweden's eyes closed again and he fell silent.

Finland smiled and reached over to stroke the side of his husband's face. "I love ya too Sweden. I'm so lucky to have a husband who is still nice to me even when I do weird stuff, which is about most of the time." He leaned down and kissed Sweden softly on the forehead before gently prying his husband's hand from his wrist and walking out of the room.

Thus explaining Sweden's absence during the Pictonian invasion. If he'd been awake he probably would've gone down trying to protect Finland. But since Sweden was sky-high on sedative-laced peppermints, Finland got transformed while obliviously standing all alone in a grassy field thinking about how he couldn't wait for Christmas to come.

_"Ho ho ho!"_


	2. Unacceptable

Being married to Finland, Sweden was used to waking up to strange things. But generally it was the acceptable kind of strange, the kind of strange that left him asking questions like "What on earth did he put in m' coffee last night?" and "How did m' wife and I end up lying facedown in a pile of wrapping paper wearing nothing but a few strips of scotch tape?"

This time, however, Sweden did not wake up to the acceptable kind of strange. First red flag: He didn't wake up with Finland next to him (or on top of him, or under him, or anywhere within the immediate vicinity).

Second red flag: When he staggered into the kitchen, the little TV by the microwave was playing a news report about how the world had just been almost conquered by aliens who seemed to be the lovechildren of the borg from _Star Trek: The Next Generation_ and the Pillsbury Dough Boy.

Third red flag: As Sweden groggily sipped his coffee and watched the report, an unsettling public announcement came on.

-Officials have just confirmed that although the Pictonians agreed to return all humans and countries back to their original form, there have been several cases reported where the patient, despite everyone's best efforts, has not been able to be transformed back.-

Sweden nearly choked on his coffee.

_No, please don't tell me-_

-If a loved one of yours is missing without explanation, it is likely that they are one of these patients. The patients are presently being held at the following address—

Sweden snapped a picture of the on-screen address with his phone before bolting out the door. On the driveway stood a driverless sleigh attached to four unattended reindeer.

_Nh, that settles it. M' wife would never leave them outside alone like this. The pict'nh-bleghs 've got him f'r sure_.

Sweden climbed up onto the sleigh and grabbed the reins " 'lright, yer master is in trouble. Let's go get him."

One of the reindeer swiveled their head around and smiled at Sweden while staring at him with glowing red eyes.

"Welcome to the Robot-Reindeer-Powered-Sleigh-Express," the reindeer greeted him with Finland's voice.

"HUAH?!"

"To activate the sleigh, please sing the following Christmas song…

…please hold on, the Christmas song is still being chosen."

It was then that Sweden was able to understand that somewhere along the line Finland had replaced his reindeer with robots.

_That'd explain the massive decrease in the monthly vet bill. But why did he have to make it talk in his own voice?_

"To activate the sleigh, pretty please sing the following Christmas song…"

_This is all one of Finland's weirder ideas, but I guess it's kind of cute…_

"…Santa Baby."

_Not cute anymore._

Sweden blinked. "Are ya serious?"

"Yah!"

"Nobody likes th' song 'Santa Baby'. N't ev'n me, and I'm married t' Santa."

"The sleigh can not be activated until ya sing the song 'Santa Baby'. To activate the sleigh, pretty please sing-"

"Nh, 'lright fine," How did that terrible tune start even? He pulled out his phone to do a quick internet search. Then he realized, ha, if he had internet then he didn't even have to sing the darn song, he could just look up a YouTube video with the song and play it for the ridiculous robot reindeer.

"_Every story needs an audience, and if __you__ have a business, you have a-"_

Stupid advertisement.

Finally the phone speakers started blaring out the wretched song.

"_Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree, for me  
I've been an awful good girl-"_

"Yay!" the robot reindeer all chimed in unison as they took off dashing into the sky.

_"Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight…"_

Sweden was definitely reprogramming this thing once he got Finland back home safely.


	3. Not Gone Completely

Sweden looked on dejectedly at the fenced-off area in which dozens of identical Pictonians mulled around like marshmallow zombies.

"Eh, I'm really sorry!" Italy apologized a he recapped the felt-tipped marker. "No matter how many times I draw faces on any of these ones, the ink just absorbs in like a sponge. I don't understand it!"

"Nh," Sweden sighed "Ya did yer best. Thank ya."

"I'm really sorry!"

The Pict Princess appeared behind them.

"We have seen this before...the delicate-minded, the fragile... sometimes their consciousness does not survive the transformation. They become one with the hive instantly, and they don't find their way back out, no matter what anyone does. We apologize...we can not begin to understand what this is like. However, if it is of any reassurance, once a mind has merged completely with the hive, they are in a place with no pain or worry. It is a peaceful state, not an unhappy one. The person you loved is no longer suffering."

Sweden gripped the edges of the fence and stared down at the snowy ground. This couldn't be right. Yes, Finland was fragile and jittery, but there was this bright, resilient optimism about him that made it hard for Sweden to believe that he could be swallowed by the void so easily. His wife couldn't be gone forever, he just couldn't be...

As Sweden's vision became blurred with his own salty tears, he started to softly sing-

"Greeting cards 've all been sent

Th' Christmas rush is through

But I still have one wish t' make

A special one for you."

"But it's not Christma-" Italy was stopped by Germany in mid-sentence. A meaningful glare from Ludwig was all it took to keep Italy silent as Sweden's song continued.

"Merry Christmas, Darling

We're apart, it's tr..t-tr..." At that point Sweden was too choked up to continue. Apart...forever? Was this really happening? No, it couldn't-it just couldn't...

A single tear was starting to fall down from his face when a higher-pitched, somewhat mechanized version of a familiar voice started to sing off in the distance.

"But I can dream

And in my dreams

I'm Christmas-ing with you."

Sweden's head snapped up and his tears ceased.

"M' wife?"

Without further thought Sweden climbed over the fence and started shoving his way through the swarm of Pictonians, trying to find the direction Finland's voice had come from.

"Er...Holidays are joyful-" Sweden tried continuing the song, hoping it would compel his wife to start singing again "There's 'lways somethin' new?"

It worked. Seconds later there was a high-pitched, slightly warped reply.

"But every day's a holiday

When I'm near to you..."

Even though it sounded like he was underwater and had swallowed a tank of helium, Sweden could not remember a time when Finland's singing sounded as beautiful to him as it did then. Getting a better sense of the direction of the noise, he pushed his way more quickly through the crowd and continued caroling.

"Th' lights on m' tree

I wish ya could see

I wish it every day..." Sweden called.

A second later came Finland's squeaky little response.

"The logs on the fire

Fill me with desire

To see ya and to say-"

There he was! In the sea of faceless faces, one glowing antennae blinked red and green and gave off tinsel-like sparkles while the Pictonian it belonged to continued singing.

"That I wish ya Merry Christmas

Happy New Year too-oh!"

Sweden's heart fluttered as he heard Finland's signature gasp upon embracing the Pictonian.

_Yah, this is him 'lright. This is m' wife._ Sweden concluded as he pulled Finland up onto his shoulder and carried him back through the forest of green lights.

He had absolutely NO idea about how to go about turning Finland back into a human again, but that was okay. They were together again, that was all that mattered. Sweden would figure out a way to fix everything else, he always did.

"Wait!" the Pict Princess called as Sweden climbed back over the fence and started to carry his wife back to the sleigh "Earthling! You're making a mistake! He may still retain slivers of his former identity, but that does not mean that he will ever be able to turn back completely. Nobody ever has at this point. Please, I beg you, abandon this false hope and save yourself the heartbreak and disappointment."

"Yah don't know th' power of true love," Sweden replied without looking back. "M' wife is still here, he's j'st forgotten that he is."

"Please!" The Pict Princess called as she followed after him "All of Finland's humanity was lost upon conversion. You have to accept that reverse transformation is impossible. Your wife is now forever part of the Pictonian collective."

"Nh," Sweden replied "I won't accept it, because it's n't true."

The Pict Princess, realizing that it would be impossible to try to dissuade this man from his chosen course of action, stopped following him and looked on sadly as Sweden carried his wife away. That poor Earthling didn't know what he was up against. Poor, poor man, she could hardly blame him for taking refuge in the folds of false hope.

Meanwhile, Sweden was just relieved that he'd been able to pick out his wife from all the other Pictonians. Having Finland by his side, regardless of the condition Finland happened to be in, always made Sweden feel better. He carefully cradled his wife in his arms and gently nuzzled Finland's presently featureless face.

Alright, admittedly it did sort of sting him that Finland didn't return the affection like he usually would have, but that was okay. It wasn't about Sweden, it was about Finland. If there was even the slightest chance that somewhere past this crazy Pictonian affliction Finland had felt-

"I've just one wish

On this Christmas Eve" Finland started again with in that odd, high-pitched version of his normal singing voice, "I wish I were with you..."

Sweden almost smiled as he leaned down and placed a soft kiss on his wife's forehead.

"Knew ya weren't gone completely," Sweden climbed up onto the sleigh, placing Finland on his lap and wrapping his arms around him as he took hold of the reins.

"To activate the sleigh, pretty please sing the following Christmas song…Last Christmas, I Gave Ya My Heart."

"Ya have got t' be kidding me."


	4. Couple Cooking Session

"Now, now…" Sweden corrected Finland as he taped a rainbow toe-sock over his wife's antennae "Ya know yer n't supposed t' try and assimilate Hanatamago into th' Pictonian hive. That's n't th' right thing t' do with puppies."

Finland stared at him with that blank, featureless face, saying nothing in return.

"Yah, so don't do that. Sorry I had t' tape a sock over yer antennae, but if yer going t' try t' assimilate others then ya leave me no choice."

Finland: …

"Nh, anyways, ya just stay there. Th' surprise I got f'r ya is almost done," Sweden left his Pictonified spouse standing clueless in the middle of the living room as he went to go check on the ginger-biscuits in the oven.

_Almost ready, _he noted as he switched the oven light back off. He set the frosting and candy decorations out on the kitchen table. Sweden's present strategy was to try and tap into some of Finland's more meaningful memories so that his wife could regain his sense of identity and fight off the invading Pictonian consciousness.

Christmas cookie decorating was, unsurprisingly, one of Finland's favorite traditions. They'd done this together as a couple every Christmas season for years now. Maybe, just maybe, Finland would see the set up and remember…

" 'lright, ya can come in now" Sweden said to his wife a while later when the ginger cookies had cooled off and were ready to be decorated. He gently took Finland by the arm and led him into the kitchen.

It might be worth mentioning at this point that earlier that morning Sweden had stuffed his Pictonified wife into a pair of basketball shorts. Even though Pictonians didn't have…

*Ahem*

_Anyways_, even though Pictonians were lacking some anatomical features of humans, Sweden did not think it was proper for his wife to walk all over God's green earth with no clothes on. It would be against Sweden's code of honor to let other people gawk at his wife's naked body no matter what form Finland was in. Nobody should think of Finland in such a manner!

Heh heh, except Sweden, of course.

"Ya remember this?" Sweden asked, motioning towards the kitchen table filled with ginger cookies and decorating supplies.

Finland: …

"Here, it's fun. Lemme show ya-" Sweden picked up a knife, dabbed a bit of vanilla frosting on a piece of candy and placed it on a cookie. "Ya see?"

Finland: …

"Nh, here, let's do it together-" Sweden placed the butter knife in Finland's amorphous white blob of a hand and gently guided his wife's arms through the candy-frosting process.

"There," Sweden slowly let go "Now ya can try it on your own."

Finland looked at the knife, and then back at Sweden. And then back at the knife and then back at Sweden. **(The knife is now ****diamonds****! XD )**

Then the rainbow sock that'd been taped onto Finland's head was vaporized by a flare up of green flames. The Pictonian snatched the can of vanilla frosting and started smearing huge gobs of it onto the ginger cookies.

"Hmm…" Maybe Finland was remembering how much fun decorating cookies was but still hadn't gotten around to remembering how to decorate them _nicely_. No matter, it was progress, so Sweden decided to praise him. "Yah, that's great. Good job on th' frosting. Now ya can take some of th' candy sprinkles and-"

Sweden paused when he saw that Finland had started covering the kitchen table itself and the countertops with white frosting.

_What th' -? Oh no, don't tell me._ Sweden wanted to smack himself in the head when he realized what was really going on. This wasn't Finland frosting cookies, this was a Pictonian painting the world white. Dangit! The Pict-nh-whoppers must really have done Fin in if even something as nostalgic and sentimental as cookie decorating could turn into an opportunity to assimilate the earth.

Sweden felt a nudge on his shoulder. He turned to find that Finland was now trying to paint _him_ with white icing.

"Nh, no no," Sweden gently took the butter knife away "Yer only supposed t' do that when 'm n't wearin' clothes, remember?"

Finland's antennae light turned into a red question mark.

"Here, hold on," Sweden pulled his shirt off and handed Finland the butter knife again. "Here, go f'r it."

Finland's antennae light turned into a bright pink heart as he started lathering his husband's muscular torso with vanilla frosting.

"Yah, that's better." Sweden suppressed a shiver as his wife ran the icing-covered utensil up and down his bare chest "Mmm…v'ry good. Make sure ya get it everywhere. Yah, that's it. Here, let me get th' rest of these clothes out of yer way."

**. ' Sweden my brother, I think you've gotten distracted. *sigh* What am I going to do with you both?**

**Anyways, thank you for reading and reviewing! I love how I can always count on you guys, which is more than I can say for the two goofball characters I'm trying to write about.**


	5. Ponies and Problem Solving

A full-body frosting-massage and subsequent necessary shower later, Sweden decided that, aside from the fact it hadn't helped his wife reverse-transform, cookie decorating had been a swell idea. One of his best, he'd dare to think.

But now it was time to refocus. Sweden was lying back on the couch with his laptop while using Pictonian!Finland as a pillow. _Time t' get scientific about this,_ he thought as he brought up an online symptom-checker.

Patient gender:

Sweden wasn't sure if his wife even had one anymore, but he entered "Male" anyways.

Patient age category:

_Guess th' closest would be th' 99+ category…_

Condition determined: Old age. You might as well put Grandpa 6 feet under already.

_Nh, forgot this was made f'r other humans, not countries._ Sweden readjusted the age category and pressed enter to the main symptom page.

After he'd answered all the website's questions about his wife's present ailment, the computer showed him the following result.

Condition determined: Patient is a 7-year-old's play-dough creation.

Screw the scientific approach. What had he been thinking? This was an issue of the heart and soul in any case. Sweden closed his laptop and set it back on the coffee table.

_Hmm…maybe t' figure out how t' get m'wife back, I have t' think like him. What would __he__ do in this situation? Oh wait, that's easy._

"**AIHHHH!"** Sweden tried his best impression of Finland shrieking in terror. Picto!Fin turned to stare at his husband while his antennae light turned into a red question mark. Sweden fell silent again.

Well that hadn't helped much-

"I get scared easily too," Pictonian!Finland suddenly said in that warped, squeaky voice "Like I've been trying to watch "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic", but, ha ha, sometimes it gives me nightmares. Silly, yah? But I really worry that Diamond Tiara is going to devour my brains!"

And then he fell silent.

Sweden's eyes widened "Finland?"

His wife remained wordless and the light on Finland's antennae went back to being a green circle.

_Nh, come on Sweden. Get a grip on yerself. Ya know this'll be something that takes a while t' do. Yer wife will come back, bit by bit. Until then he's going t' be in and out. Ya just need t' get used t' it._

So, Fin had been watching My Little Pony huh? Sweden had never watched it before, but perhaps he should. Maybe there was something to it that could give Sweden some insight on his wife's psychology.

He got up off the couch, walked over to the TV to find that My Little Pony was already in the DVD player. That was convenient. Sweden pressed "Play", sat beside Finland on the couch and wrapped an arm around his wife's shoulder.

There was a depressed purple unicorn looking out at the window and singing at the rain.

"_Los-ing prom-ise_

_I don't know what to do…_

_Seek-ing ans-wers_

_I fear I won't get through to you…_

_Whyyy, oh whyyy?"_

Well geez, if Sweden had wanted melancholy music to reflect his internal suffering he could've just put on the country and western station. Maybe this was just a sad scene. The cartoon ponies _were_ kind of cute, he could see why sweet-hearted little Finland would be drawn to a show about a magical world filled with bright and colorful things.

"So who is yer favorite of th'…magic ponies?" Sweden asked. When his reply was met with only silence he turned to Finland and remembered that his wife had been Pictonified. Dangit, he'd forgotten. Sweden would have to remember to ask Finland whenever he turned back into-

"Well it's kind of hard to choose," Finland suddenly started to explain "I mean they're all really cute and stuff. But I always smile when I see Big Macintosh."

"Big Macintosh?"

"Yah, he's Applejack's big brother. He's a strong, silent and hard working farm pony. Even though he looks huge and tough he's actually super nice! He kind of reminds me of you actually, which is probably why I like him!"

_Aww…_ Sweden wrapped both arms around Finland and held him as close as he could. _M' wife is adorable. _He wished they could both just liquefy and melt into each other so that Sweden could immerse himself in all the warm, sunshiney-sweetness of Finland's soul.

"Yer cute m' wife," Sweden said as he stroked the side of Finland's featureless face "I don't know if yer there right now, but if ya can hear me, I just want ya t' know that I love ya. And that whenever yer in m' arms I just want t' keep ya there, because when 'm with ya all I feel is warmth and love."

The Pictonian stared at Sweden blankly for a few long seconds. Then his antennae-light flickered into the shape of a bright pink heart for the briefest of moments before falling back to a dimly glowing green.

Sweden sighed and turned back to the TV set. The ponies seemed to have, once again, broken out into song

_"A true true friend helps a friend in need,_

_A friend will be there to help them see_

_A true true friend helps a friend in need_

_to see the LIGHT that shines from a_

_true true friend..."_

He watched as the ponies went around town singing to each other. As each career-confused pony was surrounded by her friends, lost memories would scroll through her eyes like a slot machine and then her identity crisis would evaporate as she remembered who she really was.

_That...is __interesting_. Sweden let go of Finland and got up from the couch. He made sure Hanatamago was safely locked up so Fin couldn't try to assimilate her again. Then, armed with a new idea to get Finland back, Sweden stepped out the front door and bolted it behind him.

He cringed as he saw the sleigh of robot reindeer out in the driveway. Dangit. As it turns out, Finland was EXTREMELY good at programming, so good that Sweden had not been able to successfully deprogram the robot reindeer from their original set up. He'd tried to change their settings so that they could make the user sing any Christmas song EXCEPT Santa Baby. What had ended up happening was-

"Welcome to the Robot Reindeer Powered Sleigh Express. To activate the sleigh WE will now sing ya the song 'Santa Baby'."

Sweden sighed as he had to wait for the reindeer to finish singing the song before they would take him where he wanted to go. He _really_ needed to get his own ride, REALLY.


	6. Guardian

There is one type of good, and two types of evil.

"Good" is when individuals choose to respect and care for other individuals.

Evil Type 2 is when "good" is disrupted by erasing the individuals. Devotion to the collective is so strong that individuals are wiped out, reduced to nothing. The Pictonians had until very recently been a classic example of this "Evil Type 2".

Evil Type 1 is when an individual is so focused on their own desires that the rest of the population becomes meaningless to them. While "Evil Type 2" tends to absorb its opposition, "Evil Type 1" usually destroys it.

The Pictonians had suffered the misfortune of accidentally trying to assimilate a huge-asphalt chunk of Evil Type 1. And now they were paying the price.

The Pictonian Princess backed away in terror as the snarling, savage mass of Evil Type 1 approached her. It must've been picked up on Earth. What was it? It wasn't nice, but it had a HECK of a sense of itself, that was for sure.

There was no chance the Pictonians would be able to stop it from taking over. They'd just barely gotten away from being Evil Type 2, and were nowhere close to having a strong enough force of good on their side to be able to repel an Evil Type 1.

Only the tiniest bits of individuals existed within the collective. The few who Italy had drawn faces on had just started to wonder things like "What am I?" "Why am I here?" "What do I want out of life?" "Is white really the best color on me?"

And there were the few humans that'd been too mentally decimated to return to their original form. Random flickers of awareness would find a way into their heads, the occasional echo of a memory, but that was all.

The Pictonian Princess was trying to defend them, but she was little more than a frightened girl. So the odds stood: a child protecting the newly born and the mostly dead against an angry, powerful monster.

_No… _The Pictonian Princess trembled as the abomination came closer to them, tremendous jaws opening as it advanced. _No! We never even got to see what we could've been like if we were good. Now evil will devour us and then use our power to wreak havoc upon the universe!_

"Not if I'm here it won't!"

The Pictonian Princess froze as she looked up and saw a shooting star of sparkling blue and white light throw itself between the Pictonians and the abomination. A glittering gold force field formed around the princess and her people.

No damage was done to the wall as the abomination tried to swipe at it. The monster clawed at the wall with huge, steely claws, but inside the force field the sound of scratching had been turned into the gentle song of sleigh bells.

"H-how-?" the princess stammered as she beheld the golden, sparkling force field with awe and admiration "How are you protecting us? Are you…are you a guardian angel?"

The voice laughed sheepishly "Actually, I'm more like a _delicate_ flower…"


	7. Power of Love and Friendship

Estonia was terrified out of his wits as Sweden dragged him into the house. The tall, intimidating country had showed up on his doorstep about an hour ago, said "I want ya t' come with me" and then carried Estonia off without asking permission or offering explanation.

"This…" Sweden motioned towards a figure mulling around at the end of the hallway "…is m' wife."

"EEEK!" Estonia shrieked "Why did you divorce Finland and replace him with a Pictonian wearing basketball shorts?"

"Mmgh," Sweden grunted "That _is_ Finland. He's n't feeling like himself right now…"

"ESTONIA!" the pictonian suddenly cried in a high-pitched, odd version of Finland's voice. It stopped trying to force its way into the room where Hanatamago was locked up and ran over to Estonia with his arms wide open.

"AIHH!" Estonia wailed as the Pictonian threw its arms around him.

Pictonian!Finland didn't seem to notice as he continued hugging his friend "I'm so glad to see ya! I'm really really glad to see ya!"

_Aww…_ Sweden almost smiled as he watched his wife continue to hug and chatter away at an extremely traumatized Estonia. _Look, he's happy._

"Yah I haven't been feeling so well, but it cheers me up so much that you're here! How are your mochi-pets doing?"

"Umm…" Estonia was trembling like a stage-frightened fifth grader forced to read their book report aloud "They're…doing well…"

"Oh that's such good news that makes me so glad!"

_M' wife is so cute when he's happy._

"Umm…" the color drained from Estonia's face, leaving him almost as pasty white as the Pictonian holding him "I think I'm going to pass out…"

Sweden got the impression that Finland's friend was probably reaching his terror tolerance limits.

"Nh, here," Sweden slowly pulled Finland off of Estonia "Think its time t' be saying goodbye t' yer friend now."

"AHHHH!" Estonia shrieked as he was finally free and bolted out of the door.

"See ya Buddy! Thanks for coming over!" Finland replied cheerily as he waved and watched Estonia sprint out of site while screaming. "Hah, what a nice friendly visit!"

"Hm."

Finland turned back around to face Sweden "Thanks so much for bringing my friend over Love!" His antennae light switched into pink-heart mode as he gave his husband a huge hug "That was very sweet of ya! I'd been feeling really out of it, but that made me feel better."

"Mmm," Sweden felt all warm inside as he hugged his wife back "Yer welcome. 'm glad ya feel better."

_Does m' wife even know what's going on?_

"Geez! How did I get so flabby? No, don't try to tell me I look fine-I have absolutely no muscle tone…or fingers."

_I'll take that as a 'no.'_

"Have ya gone to the gym yet today Honey-Bundles? Because I think I should go with ya, I kind of look like-"

Finland's arms dropped to his sides as he suddenly fell silent.

"Hm?" Sweden put his hands on Finland's shoulders and tried gently shaking him "M' wife?"

Finland: …

Sweden sighed before leaning over and giving Finland a kiss on the cheek.

"Ya look cute m' wife, ya always do," he said before turning around and starting to head back into the living room.

As Sweden started to walk away he felt something pull his hand back.

"Hm?" He turned to see Finland holding onto his hand with both of his stubby Pictonian arms. It was then Sweden noticed that the light on top of Fin's antennae had not reverted to being a dim green circle like it had before. It was still in the form of a bright pink heart.

_Progress?_ Sweden dared to suppose as Finland latched onto his side and nestled his head onto Sweden's shoulder. A small smile came to his face as he wrapped his arms back around his wife and they stood hugging each other in the middle of the empty hallway.

"Love ya, Finland."

"Ah f(reproduce)…" grumbled the abomination as the golden sparkly wall around the Pictonians grew stronger and brighter still.


	8. Date Night

**Thank you for the views and support! A special thanks to those who have left reviews, especially my friends who treat me to one every chapter! : ) I'm not kidding, my heart does back-flips of bliss when I get reviews. I love 'em. I love ****ya'll****. Love all freakin' around.**

If you've ever driven through the mountains and noticed your cell phone signal fizzle out and jump back quite randomly, then you would kind of know what the situation with Finland's personality had been like for the past week. If you've ever had your cell phone turned into scrambled eggs, then you would have an even clearer sense of what the situation was like.

"AIH! My fingers are gone! They're gone Sve! No really, they all left me!" Finland rediscovered for the seventh time that day. Fin's short-term memory seemed to have been shot, and then stuffed in a blender, and then shot again. The good news is he was spending less and less time in zombie-pictonian-mode, though he would still try to assimilate Hanatamago every time they were in the same room together

"Yah, they did," Sweden admitted as he continued working on the sewing machine "But I will never leave ya."

"Aww…" Picto!Fin put a hand over his heart "You're so sweet Sve! By the way, what are ya working on right now?"

"Nh…you'll see. It's almost finished."

"Hooray! I can't wait to see-" Finland's voice cut off and he slumped over into zombie-mode again.

Sweden sighed and shook his head as he finished the last set of stitches. He snipped the threads away and held up his finished creation.

Friday night was date night for them, always. But Sweden couldn't exactly let his wife walk around in public wearing only basketball shorts. Problem: In Finland's present marshmallow-y state, basketball shorts were the only thing from his wardrobe that presently fit him.

The sparkly pink dress he'd just finished sewing was Sweden's solution. There were two reasons Sweden had chosen to make a dress for Finland. First, it is way easier to sew a dress than to sew pants. Second, and more importantly, Sweden thought it would look adorable.

_Hmm, I was right. That does look pretty cute._ Sweden nodded with satisfaction after he'd stuffed the dress over Finland's head and pulled his arms through. _It even matches the heart on his antennae._

Finland snapped out of his zombie mode. "Hm, I don't really remember asking to borrow one of Poland's outfits. AIHH! My fingers are missing! How did this happen?"

Sweden patted his wife on the back reassuringly "Don't worry, in about ten seconds you'll forget ya even noticed."

"Noticed what? Hey, is today Friday?"

"Yah," Sweden confirmed "Got yer outfit squared away…still need t' think about where t' take ya though."

"_Hey…_" Finland gave his husband a playful nudge on the side with his elbow "We could make and decorate ginger cookies together…Tee hee!"

Sweden wondered why that of all memories had been preserved in Finland's presently scrambled mind.

"Hm," Sweden replied as his face became tinged with crimson "Think we're out of ginger."

"That's okay! If we don't have cookies we can just frost each other-oh that reminds me! It's about time to make ya breakfast now."

It probably should be mentioned that the time was about 6pm, and that this was the fifth time today Finland had tried to feed Sweden breakfast.

"Nh. Think 'm in th' mood for a different type of Finnish cuisine," Sweden scooped his wife up off the ground and cradled him in his arms. " 'nd I'll take it t' go."

Finland laughed and wrapped his arms around his husband's neck as Sweden carried him out the front door and onto the sleigh. Sweden was quite grateful that he'd been able to reset the robot reindeer to Finland's original settings. At least this way there was a chance that he might not have to sing something horrible.

"To activate the sleigh, pretty please sing the following Christmas song…Sleighride."

"Oh I love this one! Here, sing it with me Sve! _Our cheeks are nice and rosy and comfy cozy are we-_"

Sweden smiled as he joined in the song and the sleigh took off into the painted sunset. Was it Sweden's imagination, or was Finland's voice starting to return back to normal too?

"_We're snuggled up together like two birds of a feather would be!"_

Unfortunately, in all of the Friday night feverish excitement, Sweden had forgotten to lock the front door. Thunder grumbled off in the distance as the door to the house swung wide open and a large shadow filled the doorway.

The Pictonian Princess shuddered as she heard dark, ominous-sounding laughter from beyond the force field. The wall protecting them was growing brighter all the time, but the shadows behind it were gaining strength as well.


	9. Trouble

Sweden had actually been on several dates that ended with him being handcuffed to his wife, but this was the first time that someone besides Finland had been the one to handcuff them together.

"You are under arrest for assault and disrupting the peace. You, in the dress, we're bringing you in because you look like a marshmallow."

"WAHHH!" Finland wept as they were shoved into the back of the police car "WHY?! This is so mean and cruel and stupid and-" He fell silent as he zoned out into Pictonian zombie mode again.

Perhaps it should be explained _how_ they ended up here. In order to avoid causing public panic and/or ending up as the topic of a bad reality TV show, Sweden decided that they should go to dinner somewhere with basically no other customers.

That's how they ended up at Café Spain. They were peacefully enjoying some churros and instant coffee when Romano wandered in, freaked out upon seeing Pictonian!Finland and then started yelling obscenities at him.

Sweden didn't take too well to this.

Long story short, Romano was being driven to the emergency room with a few fractured ribs while Sweden and Finland were being taken into police custody. So here they were.

_Haven't gotten us in this much trouble since I messed with Netherlands' American territories._ Sweden sighed _Nh, oh well, least 'm in trouble for a worthwhile reason this time._

He put his arms around Finland and held him close. The light from his wife's antennae bathed the back of the police car in a soft pink glow. Outside the car the flashes of red and blue were barely able to blink through the misty darkness.

Finland woke up again "Good morning Sv-whoa, where are we? I don't even-oh _nice_." He giggled when he noticed they were handcuffed to each other "I wish I remembered how _this_ happened. AIHH! Why are my fingers all gone?"

"Nh," Sweden patted Finland on the head reassuringly "Shh…calm down. It's 'lright. Yer going t' be okay."

"I don't understand anything that's happening!"

"Yah, that makes two of us, at least. The readers are probably a little lost too."

"This is too worrisome. I'm too fragile to handle any of this!" Finland started crying again.

Sweden pulled him closer, wrapping himself around the smaller frame protectively "There there. Yer 'lright. Won't let anything hurt ya, m' fragile little love-"

"But the Pictonians! The darkness! It's getting-" Finland's voice cut off again and he slumped over.

_Eh? That is th' first time m' wife has actually said th' word 'Pictonian'. Is he starting t' realize what happened t' him?_

The police car suddenly slammed into a screeching stop, sending the both of them crashing back against the hard, plastic seats.

"What th'?"

The roof of the car ripped open. Overhead Sweden could see a looming black object hovering in the sky while little violet lights hopping off of it.

_Nh, don't know what this is, but 'm pretty sure I don't want m' wife t' be anywhere near it._ Sweden cradled Finland in his arms, stepped out of the wreckage and started trying to make a run for it.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" bellowed a deep, scratchy voice tinged with malice.

The two were suddenly enveloped in blinding violet light. When Sweden could see again seconds later they were standing in a large dark grey room facing a billowy black cloud that radiated coldness.

"FINLAND?" the malice-stained voice started laughing "Last person I would have _ever_ expected…"

Sweden's eyes narrowed as he clutched Finland tighter and started backing away from the cloud.

"So _he_ is the nuisance that has been standing between me and galactic conquest. Oh look, and his loyal husband is by his side trying to protect him. How _sweet_."

The source of the voice in the blackness was not visible, but you could just tell from the tone that the words were accompanied by a toothy smirk full of saliva-covered fangs.

"Stay th' hell away from him," Sweden growled at the voice in the darkness as he carried Finland further away. "Sent one person t' the emergency room for m' wife already tonight, don't mind sending another one."

The voice laughed "You think YOU can stop me Sweden? This isn't about bulging biceps and throwing punches Sve. I'm not sure if you know what kind of game you've just gotten yourself into."

Then the figure stepped out into the light. Sweden could not have been more shocked if he was a copper wire in a lightning storm.

"HANATAMAGO?!"


	10. World's Naughtiest Fluffball

Sweden scowled down at the white fluffy puppy as her eyes glowed purple and dark clouds swirled around her like a cloak "Bad girl Hanatamago. No **no**. No galactic conquest, I've told ya this before."

"DO **NOT** REFER TO ME BY THAT NAME!" Hanatamago roared in her new unfitting crazy evil voice "As the new Galactic Empress I demand that you call me...CHARLOTTE!"

"Nh."

"ACTUALLY I want you to call me, GALACTIC EMPRESS CHARLOTTE!"

The adorable ball of fluff started to absorb the swirling clouds of darkness that surrounded her. The blackness caused her to grow larger and twisted her features from those of a tail-wagging floof-mop to those of a snarling, fanged hell-hound.

_Going t' need therapy after seeing that. In th' meantime I should probably destroy it before it finishes transforming all the way and tries t' hurt m' wife._

He tried shooting at the growing monster with his super-stare laser vision, but the blackness was so thick that the energy beam dissipated a few inches from his face. Alright, Plan B. Sweden set Finland down, held the handcuff chain right up to his eyes and melted it apart.

Just as the beast was approaching the size of a school bus, Sweden charged and landed a bone-crushing right-hook on the animal's ribcage.

Unfortunately Hanat-*ahem* _Charlotte _no longer had ribs made of bone, but of solid steel. She laughed as she knocked her former caretaker to the ground and trapped him under one of her humungous talon-tipped claws.

"That was sad Sve, really sad. I told you that brute strength holds no real power here. Now you and your meaty muscle are nothing but dog fo-F(REPRODUCE)!" she barked as a beam of pink light shot her in the eye.

"Hmph," she smirked as she regained her composure and used the paw that wasn't trapping Sve to lift Finland off the ground by the antennae. "But what's even sadder is that this ridiculous half-wit has been the one preventing me from overthrowing the Pictonian princess and gaining control of the entire hive."

She read the look of shock on Sve's face. "Yes, I know. I had no idea either at first. I'd assumed he was one of the weak who simply couldn't return to normal and that his attempts to assimilate me were just the Pictonian Princess lashing out through the hive mind, but no. It was all him. This little delicate guy right here," she grinned as she dangled Finland around in space.

"Let…m' wife…go …" Sweden growled through clenched teeth as he futilely tried to fight his way out from under Charlotte's paw.

"Or what? You'll scowl at me some more? Boys, get in here and help me sever this nuisance from the hive. Assimilate the other while you're at it, there's no reason the brute couldn't make a perfectly decent drone."

A crowd of dark blue Pictonians with purple antennae lights filed in and strapped Finland and Sweden down to a couple of stretchers.

"Yer plan will never succeed," Sweden spat "Ya may have minions but in th' end yer all alone. Yer just one lonely puppy who has sold her soul t' th' pursuit of power."

"Oh please, your cheesy ethics speeches aren't going to stop me from becoming the most powerful organism alive. Goodbye Gentlemen. _Thanks for the kibbles_," she laughed as she walked out of the room.


	11. Seriously? Yes, seriously

The Pictonian Princess's soul clouded with terror as the golden wall protecting them flickered out and an enormous, snarling monster filled their view.

"Stay behind me Children!" she yelled to the other Pictonians as the princess tried to create a force field of her own around her people. Weak shimmers of green light wavered in the air for a brief moment before shattering into oblivion.

Galactic Empress Charlotte sneered as a legion of dark blue shadow-Pictonians stepped up to her side.

"It's beginning to look a lot like the end for you and your people, _Princess_-"

"Ya think so?" asked a bright voice behind all of them. Galactic Empress Charlotte turned to see Finland back in his human form, carrying a shadow-Pictonian with glasses in his arms.

"Is this seriously-?"

"Because I think," Finland started to come alight with a golden glow as he interrupted "That it's beginning," He took a step closer to her and the golden light brightened "To look a lot," the darkness in the gold light's path was melting into nothingness "LIKE CHRISTMAS!"

"Everywhere ya go…" the glasses-wearing shadow-Pictonian mumbled in Sweden's voice.

Charlotte snorted "How embarrassing…Do you really think that you alone can take on both me and the entire collective of shadow-Pictonians?" She stomped her paw on the ground, throwing the wall of light several meters back.

"Nope!" Finland replied with a bright smile "On my own I probably couldn't. But with the love of Sve and the spirit of Christmas, it'll be a piece of cake!"

"Ha ha ha! I would like to see-wait, what?" a giant fruitcake with the consistency of rubber cement materialized around Charlotte, leaving only her head sticking out "Oh come on, seriously?"

"Seriously," confirmed the remaining Pictonians.

"THIS DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!" roared Charlotte in frustration.

"Oh yah? Being a white fluffy dog that turns into a mass of crazy interplanetary evil doesn't make a lot of sense either! Actually nothing makes a lot of sense to me presently because the last thing I remember I was standing in a grassy field thinking about Christmas and now I wake up to find that ya turned my husband into a blue version of the little blank person on pedestrian warning signs!"

"Nh," Sweden the shadow-Pictonian mumbled "What he's trying t' say is that ya suck."

"YAH! Exactly my point! Thanks Sve."

"Whatever, I still have an entire army of shadow-Pictonians at my disposal. Minions! Eat this crap off of me."

"Seriously?" the shadow-Pictonians asked.

"Yes! Seriously. Obey me now!"

The shadow-Pictonians shook their heads. They may have been transformed by overwhelming darkness, but they still had taste buds.

"You worthless pieces of Pictonian! Whatever, I'll eat myself out of here then," Charlotte tore into the cakey mass with her teeth, yanking off a giant mouthful and then spitting it out immediately. "This is repulsive! Even worse than the other food you used to feed me. I will have two million bucket-loads of revenge on all of you once I have chewed myself out of here."

"Don't think yer going t' be around long enough t' do that," hypothesized shadow-Pictonian Sweden.

"Finland! Here!" the Pictonian Princess was holding a glass bottle of vodka and a small canister of gasoline as she ran over to him.

"Perfect! Well done my child, Santa's so proud of ya," Finland beamed as he gently handed shadow-Pictonian Sweden over to her and took the vodka and gasoline.

"I had to ask some of my people to steal it from Russia just now..." she admitted with a bit of embarrassment.

"Ah! Stealing from Russia?" Finland grinned as he tore off a piece of his Santa outfit and soaked it with vodka "That's even better, great work! That mean stupid-face is the reason I first made these things," he explained as he filled the empty glass bottle with gasoline.

Charlotte caught sight of the commotion and put her fruit cake gnawing on pause "Wait, what, what are you doing?!"

"Giving ya a little drink to go with the fruitcake," Finland explained as he tucked the alcohol-drenched cloth halfway into the bottle before corking it.

"But…" Charlotte's voice contained traces of fear for the first time. "But I'm your pet dog! Would you seriously kill the fluffy puppy you loved and cared for all these years?"

Finland shook his head "No, I wouldn't. But I would kill the darkness-born monster that ate out my dog's heart from the inside and then assimilated Sweden!"

He used shadow-Sweden's antennae light to ignite the end of the cloth wick. "This is for my husband and Hanatamago, ya mean-stupid-cruel-meanie-brain!" Finland yelled before tossing the explosive straight into the middle of the chewy fruitcake.

The patrolman was having a hard time explaining the state of his vehicle to the police chief.

"So a giant UFO came, tore the roof of your car and stole your prisoners…one of which was a marshmallow?"

"Umm…well…" A massive explosion overhead that filled the night sky with fiery orange and shocking violet saved him from having to elaborate further.

The police chief's eyes bulged out of his skull as he soaked the whole scene in "We will be dead before we see the end of the paperwork-mountain it will take to file this case."

"So maybe we can…not report it?" the patrolman suggested.

"Good thinking," the police chief agreed as they turned around and started looking for the nearest place they could both get ridiculously drunk.


	12. Picto Needs Puppies

**Sorry for the delay, I swear I had to rewrite this chapter more than five freakin' times. I think it's finally turned out okay though…**

The area was a wasteland of shriveled grass, smoldering spaceship debris and huge hunks of spongy fruitcake. Finland and Sweden were sprawled out unconscious on top of one of these giant fruitcake chunks, exhausted but spared from any crash-related injuries thanks to the sponginess of the cake.

(Oh, and both of them were back to being humans again, you'll likely be relieved to know.)

Sweden woke up first. He surveyed his bizarre surroundings and quickly decided two things. #1 He was probably trippin' right now. #2 Finland was next to him so he didn't really care. Sweden reached over with one of his massive, muscular arms and pulled his still-sleeping wife closer to his side.

Finland's eyes fluttered open, taking a moment to fix their gaze on Sweden. Then he smiled at his husband "Merry Christmas Darling!"

"Merry Christmas m' love," Sweden replied as he gently combed his fingers through Finland's silky, soft hair. It was actually mid-August, but what did that matter? "Missed ya."

"Oh Sve! I missed ya too…" Tears welled up in Finland's eyes as he took his husband's face into his hands "I missed ya ever so much!"

"Hm." The smallest of smiles tugged at the ends of Sweden's mouth before he sealed their lips together and gave his wife a long, warm welcome-back kiss.

Finland closed his eyes and stroked the bristles on Sweden's sideburns as the kiss grew deeper. He sighed as his husband's face drew back and rubbed against the side of Finland's neck.

"I could hear your voice," Finland whispered as Sweden gently pulled at the zipper on the back of his shirt "I don't really remember much about the whole thing, but I remember that in the middle of that terrible, scary darkness I could hear ya calling for me. At the times when I thought I was going to be overtaken by that terrible evil, your love kept me from losing hope."

"Mm," a single tear rolled down the side of Sweden's face as he pulled the singed, tattered fabric off of his wife's form. "Knew ya couldn't be gone, knew ya couldn't be." He set the article of clothing aside and wrapped himself around Finland's bony little body. "If ya were gone m' wife, I...I think 'd... "

Then there was a rare display of extreme emotion from Sweden as he leaned his face against Finland's shoulder and started sobbing " 'd die if ya were gone m' love. Yer everything good about being alive."

"Sweden..." a steady stream of tears was falling down Finland's cheeks now too. He reached down and softly tried to clear the saltwater away from Sweden's eyes.

" 'm, 'm sorry." Sweden apologized as he sat up and dried his glasses with the corner of his shirt "Sorry, ya must think 'm-"

He was interrupted mid-sentence when his wife pulled himself up, grabbed onto the collar of Sweden's shirt and pressed their lips together once more. As the kiss continued they tangled their fingers into each other's hair, only pulling back for a moment of breath before their mouths merged again. It'd been slightly over a week since the beginning of the whole Picto-shenanigans, but to them it seemed like forever since they'd been able to have each other like this.

"Ya know my favorite part about having my fingers back again?" Finland asked with a grin as their faces finally came apart.

"Hm?"

"Touching them all over your handsome face because you're so cute! Tee hee!" Finland giggled as he tickled the sides of his husband's chin.

"Nh," Sweden had on a poorly suppressed smile as his took his wife's hands into his own and gazed at those large, glittering brown eyes "So are ya startin' t' remember last week then?"

"Yah, a little...it's kind of confusing though, it may take me a while to remember all of it all the way," Finland's brow furrowed as he stared down at the fruitcake underneath them with a thoughtful look on his face "I think...there was something about My Little Ponies and...wait-" he turned to face Sweden "Is there a reason why I'm suddenly getting really super turned-on by the thought of decorating ginger cookies?"

"Hmm..." Sweden was rapidly turning laser-light red as he turned away "Yah, there's a pretty good reason f'r that."

Finland started laughing "Well I can't wait until that memory comes back. HOLY MARTIN LUTHER!" Finland suddenly stood up and hopped off of the giant fruitcake chunk "The dog Sve! Hanatamago!"

Sweden's heart sank as he stepped down onto the singed grass and put a hand on his wife's shoulder " 'm sorry m' love. I know ya didn't want t'…" He sighed "Th' thing ya threw th' Molotov cocktail at wasn't Hanatamago, th' puppy we raised together was gone a long time before-"

Finland shook his head. "No Sweden, look!" He pointed at a cluster of Pictonians walking around at the other end of the crash site.

"Princess," a couple of Pictonian citizens approached their leader, "We thought we should report to you that we found this cute thing."

One of them held up a small white blob that was shaped like the silhouette of a puppy.

"Arf!" It chirped at them as the light on her antennae glowed with a happy, hopeful yellow, free of darkness's stain.

"Oh my…" the princess reached out and took the barking blob of adorableness into her arms "This small creature is just ever so endearing."

"Permission to keep her, Princess?"

"Granted," she replied as she transferred the little creature back to the pair of them "You'll have to give her a cute name."

"How about 'Domesticated Pet Version 1.0'?"

"Adorable!"

Sweden blinked as the small group of Pictonians filed back onto their starship "Ya even saved th' dog?"

"Ha ha!" Finland rubbed the back of his head sheepishly "I guess ya could say I-"

"Ya protected th' Pictonians from turnin' evil, kept th' universe from being destroyed and ya saved th' crazy dog?"

"Well," Finland blushed periwinkle pink "I mean she was a good girl, I don't know how she got her soul absorbed by all that evil-ness…but I figured, maybe if I could cut it all away, the nice little dog we both love could still be saved, yah?" He smiled as the starship turned into a shining streak of green light before vanishing from the atmosphere. "Besides, I bet Picto could use some puppies too."

"Mmm," Sweden put an arm around Finland's waist and joined him in gazing up at the sky "Think yer right."

**: ) Thanks for reading! And for the reviews, those always make all of this even more fun. I look forward to seeing ya'll again whenever I have another story to write!**

**Love all around! **

**(P.S. ****Don't**** make explosives and throw them at things I do ****not**** endorse that. Seriously guys. ****Seriously****.)**


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